by Melissa Walker, MA, LPC, R-DMT
However, this can be an opportunity to invite your partner into your world and broaden the palette of intimacy. Each of us develops a unique sexual and intimate palette based on our experiences, family affection styles, and cultural influences. Difference is an opportunity to slow down and become curious about each other’s desires, what they mean to us, and how they make us feel. Notice judgments or assumptions that arise and share them in the spirit of learning more about each other.
Here’s an example of a productive conversation about differential desire:
Partner #1: “I wish you touched me more.”
Partner #2: “Wow, I notice that I never really think of that. I wonder why I don’t think of touch as often as you do?”
Partner #1: “Huh, I’ve never realized this, but I don’t even think about touching you, it just comes naturally to me.”
Partner #2: How about next time you want physical contact, you let me know, that way I can learn more about your desires and learn to touch more?”
Partner #1: “Deal! …how about now?”
Practicing curiosity, openness, and present-centered focus during this exchange is important! Contact me to initiate the process of learning about these important relationship skills.